So, that’s A No on sTori Telling in the Bath?

The Plan: Read a chapter of Tori Spelling’s first book on my Nook in the bath and then a meditation. I had pulled “Goddess Alive! Inviting Celtic and Norses Goddesses Into Your Life by Michelle Skye off the shelf and was going to choose an exercise from there.

What Actually Happened: Apparently after charging all night, my Nook was so so low on batteries it couldn’t be turned on. So, nix reading Tori Spelling’s book. I took that as a sign it was time for some spirit working. (I do so hope I’m using the term correctly…basically I mean a journey about the other side, my spirit coming in contact with whomever I should be) As I reached for the book all I could think of was Freyja, so it was no surprise when I flipped the pages of the book and they opened to her chapter.

I read over the meditation excercise and decided it was not the one I should be doing at this time, it was a very sexual one. Not that I found it offensive, but it was simply not the place or time to let loose my unbridled sexuality. Save that for another day. I did however find it interesting, coming right on the heel of all the neuter/celibate talk.

Instead I calmed myself, entering into a meditative state and found myself in the most beautiful of places. I was on a tall hill, looking over a lush expanse; tall grasses waving in the breeze like an earthy ocean, wildflowers carpeting about, and sun so warm and true. Beside me was a woman, most beautiful and just as lush as the countryside. I knew it was Freyja. I bowed in greeting, only noticing then how I was dressed. I stuck out like a sore thumb really; grey trousers with the dust of Helheim still clinging about, my worn and loved boots no longer black…just a shade of dark.  A leather chest plate worse for the wear and a sword at my hip.  I could see myself as she saw me for just a moment; my hair shorn, features plain, small in stature and looking as if I just rolled through a dust bin.

“Are you certain? Do you understand what you’re giving up? The sacrifice you make for her?”  She searched my face, looking for some sign of regret perhaps, I’m not certain. I did get the distinct feeling that she was doing what she felt was right, that in her way she was looking out for me.

“You realize the after life can be your playground? Letting free only what you could imagine in Midgrad?” Her smile was dangerous, her voice husky.

I recognized she was offering me a choice, perhaps not to serve Her or be amongst her chosen, but I could choose to have a “normal” afterlife one which apparently included oodles of sexual trysts and the like. But, I felt no desire to accept her offering or even a tiny desire to walk away from my Lady. I know that I would never truly be free of Hela, she created me…from piles of  and snippets of stars and what nots she fashioned me, I am Hers and would want it no other way. I am not Her spouse, not Her slave. I would greatly like a vocabulary word for what we share, all I know for certain is that I am Hers…lock, stock, and barrel. And although the sweeping green hillocks before me were lovely beyond comapre, I longed for Heilheim and its howling wind, for the scent of yesterday in the air…I longed for home, even in the company of such beauty.

“What if she demands your celibacy in Midgard, in the realm of man you would be alone. What then?” She pressed on, making certain I knew what was at hand.

“If She demands it, so it shall be.” It was all  I could think to say.

“Then a gift.” She reached forward and looked as if she would touch me, I backed away. I knew somehow it would offend Hela. Freyja shook her head and produced a Rune stone made of sapphire, on it Mannaz (“The Rune of Man, the Ego and Humanity”). She then held out a vial filled with a shimmering golden liquid which was attached to a cord.

“If my Mistress allows it, I shall keep these gifts. If not, I shall do what She bades me to do with them.” I tucked them in a pouch that hung from my belt.

“And what of, him?” she echoes as I feel myself being drawn away.

I am at the foot of Hela’s throne, bowed on one knee. She runs a hand through my hair and asks me many of the same questions Feyja had. She then asks about him, the one who I’ve seen in dreams, in past life regressions…alhtough he’s not always a a ‘he’. Would I hate Her if I was to deny myself even him in my service to Her?

My longing is the service I render Her, to be close to Her, that is my wish and express such to Her…She is my home. I add, that she who made me allowed the bond I have with that soul and so there is nothing I can or can’t do. I accept only that my heart loves one I’ve not met in this life, but always She is first.

I offer Her the gifts from Freyja. “Study the Rune, but not too well my child.” She says with an oddly playful wink. As to the charm , give it to another.”

We are in my cavern, She knows I crave the nearness of Her and so sits on the side as I plunge in…I don’t understand how this other worldly brownie like mixture connects me to her, how it envelops me and for a time there is no “me” , just a vast sense of connectedness to Her. Without warning She yanks me up and warns me of Her brothers, her father…”They’ll be around shortly…They’ll want to know you…They can be overwhelming.”

All at once I am on a beach, the necklace in my hand and a deep longing to return to Her. I notice a woman near by, she sits still as a stone before a raging fire. She’s in pain, so much pain…so deep she can no longer cry out for mercy. I slip the cord about her , letting the charm fall to rest upon her chest. Her hair is short and shocking red, her features pale and rounded…the face of someone who should smile often, if it weren’t for the pain.

I caress her forehead and whisper, “Hold tight Honey Bee”*

A chuckle from behind and I straighten, there is a man…well a male God is more like it…clad in black armor and fire for hair. It’s Loki, my Beloved’s father. “A gift for my wife?” He says with a good natured snicker.  His eyes are wild with only He knows what, one purple, one green.

“You’re good to my daugher. You’re loyal too.That deserves something, a gesture.” He pulls me close in an embrace, He smells of cinnamon and the night, tornados and cookies, like a whirlwind…He whispers throatily, “He’s coming.”

He backs away, walking backwards towards the ocean…”Get ready Peaches, he’s coming…” and laughs…deep, husky, wild, and timeless.

I see Freyja, eyes round with surprise, “Fuck.”

I see Hella, sitting upon Her throne, hand to forehead, “Fuck.”

I’m alone on the beach and think of the Tarot reading, the woman telling me that He wasn’t going to be in this realm this time around…

…lauhgter on the wind, “Like that could stop me…” and then I sputter to full wakedness and am sitting in the tub, water cold…

 

*I’m not acquainted with anyone by the name or nick name of Honey Bee, so am clueless to who this might be.

Morning Guided Meditation

Earlier this month, well actually last month considering it’s now March, I purchased “Goddess Alive!; Inviting Celtic & Norse Goddesses Into Your Life” by Michelle Skye and illustrated by Kris Waldherr. I found the book on Amazon and was drawn to it becuase of the section on Hella.  This morning I recorded myself speaking the guided meditation and then took part in the meditation exercise.

At the beginning I was lead to Yggdrasil and asked to touch the tree, an amber pendant is gifted to me (as the meditation states will happen). Mine looked like this, but very orange amberish:

The author gives a very detailed description of the realm of Helheim (it seems silly to repeat, as its her description not mine) which lead me to Elvidnir, the hall of Hella.  The main crux of the meditation is when I’m asked to search/sense the denizens of the Hall and find one who has a message for me.  I woman stepped forward; she had long blonde hair plaited and held by dark leather cords.  She is dressed in a dark red tunic style dress.  She touches my mind with hers and I see a village in winter, snow falling and more to come.  She has frozen to death, her baby cluthced to her frozen form…the child also dead. She gifts me with the feeling of release she felt when she arrived her, how kind Hella has been to her and all the others.  She is in service to Hella, although doesn’t go into details has to how. She refers to Hella as Our Lady, Our Mistress, the One we serve.  She tells me to trust Our Lady, to know without doubt we are kept well and safe by Her. She then touches me on the forehead and traces this Rune:

Eihwaz

Some Links to help with defining this Rune:

Moonchild Rune Page; The Thirteenth Rune

Rune Secrets; Ihwaz/Eihwaz

Eihwaz

The woman traced the Rune over and over with ash from the fire pit, she told me I’ve been marked thrice.  Once by Modgud, she carved the rune Mannaz at the base of my spine , where the first Chakra resides(in an earlier, as yet written about dream), next by Hella. Hella traced and seemingly burned Othila near my heart chakra (accept at the base of my neck), and then this woman in the Hall of Hela, tracing  Eihwaz upon my forehead, the third eye chakra. She said, “Thus you are marked, truly a child of Hella…a servant to Her whiles, whims and ways…trust in Her she is your way.”

The meditation ended after this and I was quickly ‘brought back ‘ from Helheim to the hear and now.

I’m rather taken aback by the rune experience, how near and clear the message.  I wish there had been more time to have explored that moment, but perhaps there wasn’t meant to be more time on that. Or at least not yet. It was clear and emotional, I look forward to re-visiting this meditation in a few weeks. So many thigns happening on the spiritual level and I’m trying to keep it all in check, giving time to really contemplate the happenings.